if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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