I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
