This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
