So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
