Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
