so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
