You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
