her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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