My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
