I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We need to get me chipped asap
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
