I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
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