Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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