College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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