i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
