All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
