did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
All the doctor said was why
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
