my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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