Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
