its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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