youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I looked at my own cervix.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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