Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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