I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
