In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think a kid would responsible me up
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
