She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
