I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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