Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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