Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
