Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
