i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
