Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
