Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
