They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
