Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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