Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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