Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
