i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
