Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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