i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
