Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
