I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
