the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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