But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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