I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
