You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
