Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
