what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
