My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
