she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
