Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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