I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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