I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
