I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
