you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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