he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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