sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
