dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
try to milk me bitch
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