if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
That's intense
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
